Oktoberfest 2005

okay, this past Saturday night, we had the first annual Oktoberfest at the house. i've been wanting to have a big party since the end of the summer and i kept saying how i wanted it to "go off without a hitch." well let me tell you, there was many a hitch at this party. i/we made some hilarious posters for our guests' visual pleasure and they shockingly weren't ripped down and didnt have penises drawn on them until the very end of night...haha. the night started off slowly and tom kept saying how no one was gonna come. well everyone eventually showed up and i think he's just jealous cause 42nd and walnut is just straight up gay. surprisingly there were actually some penn people there. becky, peter and his friend stathis were all getting a taste of the great northeast. tom provided entertainment with the journey rod and dancing around to "the circle of life," pretending to be rafiki from "the lion king." for the few of you who havent seen this phenomenon, please make it over to west philly sometime soon so you can laugh your ass off. tom and many others suffer from the "white boy wanna dance syndrome" which occurs when white men LONG to dance and only feel free to get their groove on after consuming large amounts of alcohol. luckily for us, we are drunk enough to dance alongside them but not so drunk that we can't make fun of them as well...haha. as always, kelly clarkson made an appearance on the playlist, and i think everyone is wondering when we're eventually gonna get sick of that song. after the mini dance party, i realized that i hadnt seen lauren in a while. since we are basically together 24/7, i was shocked that it took a whole 15 minutes for me to realize she was nowhere to be seen. basically, whenever a bunch of people are drinking, lauren is usually the voice of reason who keeps people quiet and in control. as i ran up the stairs to see if she was hiding out somewhere, i started to freak out when tom came down saying "where the fuck is lauren," because i knew i had to chill out and be the responsible one. that was hitch numero uno. number two was not far behind, and it all started with some public urination. for some reason, all the guys love to piss in our backyard rather than in one of the two working bathrooms we have. i like to think its more of an animalistic "marking my territory" type thing than just pure lazyass-ness. anyway, me and this kid chandan were talking on the back porch when all of a sudden there is a golden arch of urine flowing down from lauren's balcony. bravo tom, bravo. it was an american pie moment, but luckily, no one got peed on. and p.s. chandan, me and lauren both agreed that every girl in there was ready to jump your bones...i only say that cause you will prob never read this journal...haha. anyway, i kind of forgot about having to keep everyone in check, so then i was like o shit when michael came up to me and said something about something going on outside. it turns out that dan peed in front of the boys next door who also came over to party. we never hung out with them before so we were just trying to like build a friendly neighbor relationship. goodbye to that dream. apparently, one of the neighbors saw dan doing this and called him gay for peeing in front of other boys. dan surprisingly remained calm while tom got heated. the neighbors must have sensed that the guys were mad cause they went back into their own house. tom, dan and someone else went to the neighbors' back door and started pounding on it. they confronted the kid about talking shit and ignored me as i screamed at them to get the hell inside. i sent matt mccracken over to play the peacemaker and both tom and dan were less than thrilled with his "everybody hug and kiss" tactics. i ran upstairs to get yet another oversized boy and told richie to try to calm everyone down...that plan did not work, and tom and richie almost got into it. now, hitch #3 is basically all my fault. i looked in the corner and saw that the three cases of beer were gone. since the keg had been kicked and everyone was still thirsty i was really pissed cause oktoberfest 2005 was starting to go down hill. i started freaking out saying "someone stole the beer! someone stole the beer!" yet again, tom got heated and this time grabbed the journey rod and started screaming and waving his scepter through the air like a tyrant. due to the earlier conflict with the neighbors, tom somehow reasoned in his drunken mind that they were the ones who stole the beer. he ran next door, again, and banged on the door until it flew wide open. luckily lauren wagner found the beer hidden in some cabinets, so tom came running back into the house before anyone came out from next door. i'll admit, that bit of drama was my bad...but who the fuck hides the beer and doesnt tell anyone??? richard...damn you richard. michael rosenello was also another person who needed regulating. as it turned out, i was too drunk to do any type of regulating, so i was completely unaware when he was throwing up in front of the house or when he was dangling off lauren's balcony. super. thank god lauren and lynne eventually came back, and it was just in time too, cause the neighbor on the other side decided to call her cellphone and tell us to turn down the music. that was when the night took an official turn for the worse. no more dance parties were allowed and certain people, tom, werent very happy about the lack of dancing. i myself had not fully gotten my groove on so i too was highly displeased...hahaha. after all the excitement, what was left to do but drunk make-out? aboslutely nothing. despite what you all may have heard, i actually dont like to kiss people in front of other people...i do prefer some level of privacy, whether it be behind a pole or in a dark corner, whatever. unfortunately, my room is on the top floor, so the only way to get someone up there is basically just like "wanna see my room?" but i tried to add some type of class to my little plan and instead offered a "grand tour" of the house. i tried to skip the second floor entirely, but lauren and lynne caught me before i could drag my victim up to my lair, so i had to literally wrestle with lauren until i was free of her. my victim eventually reached the place of no return but tom and company kept coming in and like trying to have a dance party. then freaking hitch number 4 happened when dumb-ass brian pushed dan onto my bed and the whole foot of my bed breaks. dan was the one who broke it in the first place when he was helping me build it, so it was kind of funny that he ended up being the one to break it completely...but kind of not that funny because now my bed is jacked up. lynne was supposed to sleep in my bed that night but now could not. i figured she walked back home with her friends because i kept calling her to see if she would come and spoon with me and she wasnt answering...hahaha. the next morning, around 9:20am, we were all awaken by dan freaking out that he missed his baseball practice which had begun at 9am. dan was running around trying to come up with a believable story for his coach so he wouldnt get cut while tom just kept saying "you fucked up." as me and lauren were talking in her room, who do we see at the top of the stairs but our good old friend lynne the bin! wtf?! she told us that she had been trapped in richie's bed all night. what did she mean by this? oh, when we looked in, there was richie...there was also michael and amanda. lynne had been trapped in between the three of them and the wall and had been trying to escape for hours. for those of you who've never seen richie's room, it's basically a little square with a king sized bed that takes up 80% of the room. after those peculiar sleeping arrangements, it's official...richie's room is now like a gross hippie orgy room. haha, me and lauren think richie and lynne are going to have a beautiful future together. as for everyone else, they somehow made it home and we actually didn't wake up to a bunch of bodies strewn across the floors. dan's coach bought his fake-ass story, we found out that leanna and matt roberston hooked up the night before, and some people continued to drink all day sunday. the eagles won, and it was a perfect ending to Oktoberfest 2005. see you next year...especially since we def have to wait a while for the next party due to the fact that our neighbors on both sides hate us. how grand.